Thursday, February 14, 2013

The trials and tribulations of a spouse of an Aspie

said and done

To be honest, this post should be written by my wife, as she is the one that has to live with me, she is the one who has the special ministry of being partial to most of my meltdowns, quirks, inappropriate comments and behaviours, and all the other things that make an Aspie so easy to love.
She is the one who really brought it home to me the reality that I may have Aspergers. As much as it has helped her see that many of the things that I have done in the past were not known to me, or perhaps not totally my fault, it hasn't made it any easier to deal with me now. After all, I was an aspie before we figured it out, and I am still an aspie now.

We can hopefully better navigate our life together, and perhaps learn new ways to communicate and cope with each other, but we now know the road ahead is difficult, and it won't be much easier in the short term.

Fortunately we both have individual counsellors as well as a marriage counsellor that have been along with us through this new stage of realizing I am an aspie, and the stages of grief and acceptance that we both are experiencing.

What makes things more difficult for my wife, is that she has spent the last 5 years trying to nurse me along through very difficult illness and then the long term pains with fibromyalgia. I have not been at my best during this time, as my sensory issues went into overdrive, yet still she loved me, and liked me most (or some) of those days.

So last night while she was pondering again her lot in life :) , she emailed me a few links to articles on helping neuro-typical (NT) wives get support and understanding from among their peers.  She also gave me links to an article to aid therapists on how to support these women.

At first when I read them I felt depressed at how difficult I have been to deal with, and the emotional weight that she will have for the rest of our lives together. Then later it occurred to me that I should share these links and my thoughts both for therapy, as well as to let others know of some resources, and to tell these NT women - There is hope.

Here are the links.  I hope they help.  If you have any comments, please enter them below.  I enjoy getting feedback.

Frequently Asked Questions on Asperger Syndrome
Asperger & Marriage
Therapy Recommendations for Marriages Impacted by Asperger Syndrome